And so we begin...

Sneakily reaching for the keyboard, I lean back into my chair, taking care to select the proper words to express the innermost jumbles of my brain we shall call 'thoughts'. Blonde tufts of hair at my temples begin to fly ferociously from my headband, fingers creating a *click click click* sound as I formulate and erase, formulate and erase. I imagine this is how one would have found Mozart creating a masterpiece or Einstein immersing himself into theorem . I assure you, reader, that this will be nothing short of extraordinary, if you submerse yourself into my mind.

A mere mortal may contest that to help one truly understand another is to speak as though you were in their shoes. Allow understanding to take place, create an easy, thoughtful tale, and the rest, as they say, is history. In order to appease my ever-expanding audience, I shall take a new literary tone and speak with with less metaphors, less whimsy and perhaps, less subtleties....Okay, so you don't believe me, and that would make you correct.

Whether it is caused by youngest child syndrome, being an Aquarius in nature or having a true artists soul, I am not one to deny myself the pleasure of grandeur.

I begin with explaining some of my personality:

I have always felt like I was outside of a house, looking in at these people I am supposed to know-expecting at the same time for them to understand me. I have never felt like I fit in- not in the 'picked last for dodge ball-hide behind a Chemistry book' sense, but perhaps in the "bigger is always better-extravagant, eclectic, artsy, old woman who smells of vanilla pudding and adventure' sort of way. I truly believe Eccentric and Peculiar are among the very best of compliments. Now.

Growing up admiring Katherine Hepburn, Amelia Earhart and all that was different instead of the status quo, was always a source of great insecurity for me. Utah, as we all know, has little to no diversity, especially for a 12 year old. I am so proud I have embraced my eccentricity, and welcomed being unique into my life. I love being confusing in an oh-so-understandable way...if you follow.

I have been so incredibly lucky to have been able to choose my own path, how much opportunity for growth my parents granted me by allowing me to exercise free will. Inside my mind, I am accustomed to observing and reporting everything I see. Sometimes to a fault. I appreciate life as a beautiful and system of complexities, not all fair, not all easy, but all endlessly intriguing.

"Where is the juicy pulp of your life, Sady?"

I write now pretending as though I am a modern Jane Eyre, with my head full of stories, thoughts and lessons. It begins two years ago. Up until then, I avoided change. I allowed my fear of failure to completely dominate my personal growth. What I had been living up until my 23rd year was nothing that would resemble a life, I was an empty shell. Being spiritually and emotionally anorexic. Far too many nights of drunken debauchery, too many wasted days of sleep and laziness, too many unhealthy relationships. What does one do when they have exhausted all of their options?

They pick up. They move on.

And so I did. I packed my car full of clothes, a heart full of fear, sadness along with much regret and escaped to Boise. I remember on the drive up, I was completely paralyzed by anxiety, thinking how much I was leaving, what I was going to be missing and if anyone would notice I had left. I pulled up the driveway into the palace that was to be my home, quietly entering the darkness through the front door, and slid into my mothers warm, cozy bed. She held me as I released every remaining salty tear I had, never once telling me to suck it up or that I was weak. I constantly try to think of a way to show her how she truly changed my life, for words could never express how she saved me.

I got a job at a beautiful clothing store, stopped my horrible habit of excessive drinking, started to create the energy I needed and as people tend to do when positively influenced, I healed my soul. I changed. I grew.

I was also granted to amazing opportunity to work for a Hospice company. I learned so much about life during these two years. To be forced to confront one's own mortality is neither pleasant, nor can it ever have a number put on the value. What an amazing feeling it is to know that like with death, life would go on.

I am not concerned with the details of my life in Boise. I met many great, beautiful people, lost many and grew an entirely new perspective on life. I welcome change with open arms, and open heart and most importantly, and open mind.

I decided to begin a 'blog' to not only satisfy my lust for attention, but to finally release all that goes on in my mind. The good along with the bad. I appreciate you joining me for what will surely be another wonderful chapter of my life.